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Wow! This is so helpful. I often procrastinate with doing basic things like calling around for quotes for window cleaning and making doctors appointments and now I get why. I can actually feel my inner child saying “nooooo. Why do i have to do it? Why do I have to do everything?”

Thank you so much! I needed to hear this. ❤️🙏❤️

And now my parents are expecting me to adult on their behalf and my brother. Like everyone is just sitting there expecting me to arrange something or their leg work and phone calls for like LIVING UNDER A ROOF. Like I really need a mom or a really bossy friend that will like, tell me what to do.

Not knowing where the bar is ..that's it! ❤

would love to see therapists expand to how relational issues and intimacy play out in the workplace.

Actually since I was 15 I had to be a "little adult" and you know drop out, get a full time job and help my mom pay for a house no one else wanted anymore. But like now at 43 I'm all out of being a little adult and I'm finding that by having to grow up fast that in a way I'm stunted at 15 and my adulting only goes so far. Like once my kids are like 10 and I have to ALSO raise them and it was good until their life required strict regimentation like wake up at 6am mom through Fri and drop off at school by 7:50 and if course the homework and im severely mathematically dyskexic ... Like I can't PRETEND adult myself and FOR REAL adult on behalf of my children without ADHD meds to force me to So in effect I've gone as far as I can as a 15 year old pretending to be 43. My kids are living with my sister and what's funny is my youngest daughter is severe ADHD and dyslexic like I was and now I'm just lost. Cause I don't know how to be normal 16, normal 17, normal 18,19,20 etc.... like I'm even the size of a 15 year old at 4 foot 11 and I've made it to normal 18 this far but yeah I have gone as far as I can as a bipolar PTSD adhd affected adult So technically I CAN adult myself but it's not like, healthy adult. It's distorted adult and I've been pretending for 20 plus years that I'm a well adjusted adult. I'm not. And I don't think I can do like Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed and just go back to highschool at middle aged cause that's illegal AF and cause legal issues possibly on a weird list somewhere.

DAILY

I e learned so much from you. Thank you.

That's actually pretty amazing advice, whenever I need to do something I can just tell myself, "It doesn't have to be perfect, I'll fix a bunch of mistakes later, I'll just do a rough job rn to get it started", and then later I barely have any 'mistakes' to fix because I make the most mistakes when I'm trying to get it perfect. I had this idea while watching this video.

How do you find the inner adult? I need mine so badly. I'm 19, and I'm completely crashing at university, trying to be an adult when I had no chance to be a child. I felt like an adult when I was nine, and now I feel like a baby. It's hard.

Me at 23, turning 24... real hell was just starting, all alone without family and new place, far away and my pain was pushing me to leave everyone again... until i got my own place this pain real pain wouldnt stop... now no pain, but sure i am scared even to go visit

I just had an epiphany 🤯

Good!

Everybody that has good parent's should truly cherish it

Looking forward to reading it!

Just got a new job today I really love, but I can already hear the cries of "It's not enough" from my parents. This definitely applies here. I'm 36 and have a good grip on where my life should be and what makes me happy. My inner child is the one that freezes up and begins to lose confidence in my direction in life when I hear critiques from them, but my inner adult is shouting "You know your life, they don't." at the same time. I've never stopped to have my inner adult look my inner child in the eye and remind him "You've got this. You figured your life out around parents who were both absolute hot messes growing up and kind of still are. Remember you've got a good head on your shoulders and it didn't come from them. It came from you." Thanks for the reminder my inner adult's opinions are absolutely worth listening to.

Wow- fantastic video. This makes perfect sense ❤❤ TY as always Patrick xxx

After 18 months I broke down and called my mom. She was nice to me and sorry for what she had done and wants to heal our relationship. Thank you so much for your help. She agreed to therapy with me as well!

Thank you for all you do. God bless you.

I'll try that today! ❤ always appreciated sir

Wow, I almost cried hearing this. I guess I needed to it! Thank you so much!!

When my mom was taken from me (when she chose to leave and "find herself") and during some of my lowest points (between my dad leaving me with violent children and a woman who refused to step in for example) I really had to listen to this 'inner adult'. It kept me logical through more emotional times "don't worry about your parents not being here for you. It might hurt now but you won't have to worry about a fence of loss at their funeral" for example but also "don't lose your head there's nobody to take care of you in your own home. If there's nobody for you here how can you expect a complete stranger to understand why your hysterical?" Or "don't do drugs, thell cost a lot of money, money that your going to need to pay rent and get food with and you've had enough stress as is don't add to it with unnecessary variables" Then when my mom convinced me to move in with her when I was 13 and she broke every promise made to me by her that under adult had to be present again. It helped reinforce some of the lessons it was teaching me before, I was able to see how people struggle under their own sets of lies and secrets. During that trying time the main thing I told myself to do was to not rock the boat and play by her rules. Let her have all the control she wants, let her maintain the mindset that I'm cowed and once I'm 19 I'm free. Through school I secured a job and then I secured a partner with a room. As she was trying to scare me out of school and work with... What she called idle threats I had been confusing in my boss and other school administrators. When she brought police to my door they ultimately escorted her away because I had already explained what was going on to them. That "inner adult " hasn't actually left me and I find myself coaching people around me that happen to be struggling as well

Thank you so much for this. I’ve been really struggling with my jobs. I’m so overwhelmed and the other day I had a meltdown and called crisis. I met with my therapist yesterday and she said my meltdown sounded like a trauma response so she was trying to help me get to what caused an out of proportion reaction to what I was facing at that time at work. I couldn’t think of anything relevant but THIS makes sense! I identify with this greatly.

Can one have both?

I so needed this! Just yesterday I had to call my primary care office to modify my prescription, a call I had been dreading and thinking about for a whole day before. I kept asking myself "what is this? why are you scared to make a call to ask for what you need??" My anxiety was high, I was sweating and shaky, made the call and it was the easiest adjustment on their end, she was very nice to me, I got what I needed. I have come a very long way on working on myself but these things pop up once in awhile. I will apply what you just said next time I have one of these experiences! Thank you!

Your videos are amazing, thank you. ❤

That might be just what I needed thank you so much!

I see what you mean.. and I raise you the opposite issue: I functioned from an adult place most of my youth until I was about 37 y.o. and I just crashed for a year (I took a sabbatical). One of the best things I ever did.. and just let my (traumatized) kid self take over and do what she wanted (or not for a year or two). :)) It can be exhausting to function mostly as an adult when you have not really lived your childhood.

This is insane but I was the acting out sister in Ben's story. My family dynamics was exactly like his. Seeing such a dynamic can cause a kid to act out and be blamed wrongfully as "the bad one" is extremely validating. To this day, I still have regular fights with my mother and no matter what I do I can't seem to stop acting out, yelling at her in the top of my voice and then feeling extreme guilt and shame. She was also physically abusive to me until my teen years.

It's been almost 20 years, yes TWENTY YEARS since I slowly woke up to my life reality, started the DIFFICULT journey of coming to terms with my past... to THIS NEW ME. Oh I'm SO glad I didn't give up, SO GLAD! I waded through the sticky mess, the emotional pain so big, heavy and TERRIFYING that many times I thought I would drown in the combination of gut wrenching grief, soul sadness, guilt like I can't even describe... so alone that even loneliness felt like a better option. BUT... Now? I wake up and my first thoughts are NOT sad, doom, anxious... I find myself breathing deeply as a reflex as my nervous system calms down more and more. I fiercely but gently protect my peace and have NO problem saying goodbye to toxicity and, I SPEAK UP for myself. I am no longer apologising for being alive...and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE ME that I found out I am - gentle, genuine, healthily generous,good boundaries in place, loyal... deeply loving and empathic. To whoever is on the healing journey - DON'T GIVE UP. We need that beautiful REAL YOU to come forth and take your space in this world. I don't know you, but I LOVE YOU. ❤️ 💕